In the next few days I will be showcasing some of the many extra-ordinary inhabitants of this planet that I have come across in my recent travels. The first is someone who’s post I chanced upon on answers.com or some such thing responding to a music post. The quality of her “answer” was to such a degree that I had to know more! Seeing that she had a website link under her name, I clicked my way into a world of discovery.

Under her unbelievable pseudonym of “alternagrrl”, this 13 year old (real name Alexis) has really felt things and left a long-forgotten trail of internet wreckage in her wake. Though not accessed by it’s creator for nearly half a decade, the sci-fi pink coloured alternagrrl site and it’s darker sister page flamingliver (an outlet for Alexis’ “goth poetry”) are left behind as internet artifacts. Like the bedroom of a deceased loved one, frozen in time, every carpet-bound shirt and unwashed coffee mug are seemingly awaiting the return of their master. A day that is unlikely to ever arrive.

As you will soon discover for yourself, Alternagrrl’s angsty musings on politics, her parents and institutionalized learning are trite at best and her supposed “rants” are laced with such inane material as conversations she’s had with the aol chatbot. I am providing an excerpt here and not recommending you read the whole piece.

• (16:24:14) ZolaOnAOL: I am chatting with people on the Internet.

  (16:24:16) Lexy: ok

  (16:24:16) ZolaOnAOL: Good.

  (16:24:19) Lexy: yeah

  (16:24:19) ZolaOnAOL: “Good”? Yes?

  (16:24:22) Lexy: sure

  (16:24:22) ZolaOnAOL: Is there an echo in here?

  (16:24:24) Lexy: no

  (16:24:25) ZolaOnAOL: Good you stopped repeating me.

  (16:24:29) Lexy: i never was

Hardly captivating.

Alexis’ love life leaves plenty to be desired. Confused feelings lead to more boy trouble in this tale: “I danced with him once after my friends made me. He said he liked me and then he started being all dumb and like hardly talked to me (but you know, he hadn’t talked to me very much before) and so I was thinking, Dude, you said you frickin liked me! What’s your problem?! Gawsh I’m glad he’s gone. Not really.”

She doesn’t seem too impressed with the public education system either. “[I] frequently have issues with school and people who go there, so don’t be surprised to hear me getting a bit overzealous in my persecution of institution.” Alexis warns. She then clarifies her stance on the subject, “In a nutshell, it sucks.”

Not everything sucks though! Alternagrrl has plenty to say about her favourite music, hinting at a deep appreciation beyond the surface. She describes her love for Scottish indie rockers Franz Ferdinand “I LOVE THIS BAND!!!” and NYC favourites Interpol and singer Paul Banks “I lurve this band (and their lead singer…)” She later quotes the offspring, shouting “HEY HEY DO THAT BRAND NEW THING!”

Her profile must be read to be believed, a list of facts that runs the emotional gamut with such exhilarating highs and crushing lows as “My mother is dead and my father is lousy” and “I’m terrible at sports” followed soon after by “I love South Park!” and “I love food.” In the same breath, she declares the oft-believed-yet-seemingly-unfathomable idea that “I am unique in appearance, belief, and personality.”

If this wasn’t enough, her other page at flamingliver.blogspot was not only full of more gems, it also contained POETRY. A chilling take on domestic abuse, the slow burning “What You Did” takes on “a problem that too many families in this country face every day”. The author explains her creative process: “i don’t know why i thought [of] it but i did, and I think it’s kindof epic. lol”.

My favourite part of this one is the bravely non-onomatopoeiac “SCREEEEAAAMMMMM” between the fourth and fifth stanzas. Read it a couple of posts down from the top on the Nov 9th entry on Flamingliver.

Here it is.  [ALTERNAGRRL]

Annnd her self-proclaimed goth poetry blog [FLAMINGLIVER]

and down the rabbit hole you go…

And Don’t The Kids Just Loathe It – Coachella 2010

Yes Die Antwoord was amazing.

by Julian Bowers

Apologies about no drawings, but in order to capture the essence of
this trip, I’d have to make a painting on a scale of Guernica, and I’m
much too lazy to make that masterpiece right now.

So, Coachella.  Well, I suppose I’m submitting this review a little
late, but I had to be hospitalized after I suffered a coma in San
Francisco.  Well, no, not really, but I’m still damn tired, and I
didn’t even have any alcohol or anything to give me hangovers!   I’m a
very weak man.

Anyways, just a brief note on getting down there, Heather, Dave, Alex
and Tim took the bus down to Seattle to pick up their car that they
rented.  I took the bus down to Portland later in the day, due to the
fact I had to pick up my passport for renewal.  I met the gang late
that night in the grand state of Oregon, and what I thought was going
to be a little sedan we were riding in turned out to be a large SUV!
Woo!  But even then, it was a tight fit.  I don’t see how we could’ve
had a sedan.  Pip had to take the bus all by himself all the way down
to Indio so we didn’t see him for at least a couple of days.  Very
sad.

Our massive red Ford Explorer.

Anyways, on the way down, we stopped by Carl’s Jr., Taco Bell,
Wal-Mart and all the other amazing, unique sites the land of the free
had to offer, with Tim driving while running on energy drinks and no
sleep.   We even saw Supernanny’s car when we were driving into L.A.!
Yes, that is what we consider a highlight.  But dammit, it was a good
one.

“Supernanny”

Finally getting to Indio, it was a gong show entering the camp site.
Even though it was a music fest, I couldn’t help but think how many
people weren’t there for the music but just to party mindlessly.  Ah
well.

Anyways, we didn’t find Pip until the next day and I was the first to
find him!  But blah, blah, blah, here’s the reviews of the bands that
I wrote down in a little notebook during the festival.  My ten
favorite sets will be marked with an *.  Tim’s with a #.

P.O.S. – Only caught the last minute (literally).  Blisteringly fast
hip-hop with an audience screaming, “Ta-da!” after.

Baroness – Went to sit in shade, was presented with prog metal.  Meh.

As Tall As Lions – Good energy, but I’m just surprised there’s no sign
of Wale at this point.

Sleigh Bells – Heavy guitar + programmed drums + high-pitched singing
= Entertaining performance, but not my thing.

Yeasayer – Only caught the first part and was so far back, I couldn’t
see a thing.  But I could tell it was great.

Crowd basking in the sun.

The Cribs – Cancelled due to the volcano in Iceland.  Thanks for
telling us ten minutes after it was supposed to start.

Missed Wale!  Here’s Tim’s review:

Wale- After arriving onstage a good half hour late, Wale played part of a couple of singles before attempting to sing the chorus to Use Somebody by Kings Of Leon, followed by hitting on female audience members and then an early exit, leaving his set around the 10 minute mark.

Dillinger Escape Plan – I didn’t know it was possible to count off
crazy time signatures and jump around like a madman all at once.

She + Him – Talk about a complete 180° from Dillinger.

The Specials – Only seeing a bit, you can tell the old boys still had it.

Passion Pit – Michael Angelakos’s voice is so amazingly high, it’s
hard to believe it’s real.

Gil Scott-Heron #* – Playing on a Rhodes, Gil Scott-Heron provides a
show both soulful and inspiring.

Gil Scott-Heron.

Them Crooked Vultures – Okay, admittedly, it’s not my bag, but how can
you pass up an opportunity to see Dave Grohl and John Paul Jones in
the flesh?

Grizzly Bear – See Yeasayer.

La Roux – Elly Jackson proves her hair commands the attention of thousands.

Echo And The Bunnymen – Tight, classic post-punk by one of the greats.

LCD Soundsystem *# – I want to be James Murphy’s best friend.

Percussive, energetic, amazing.

Jay-Z * #- Epic.  Seriously.  Plus Beyoncé singing Forever Young.  Just…damn.

Fever Ray- Funny Hat Band.

Public Image Ltd. * – “Need an aspirin from Jay-Z?” John Lydon asks.
No, not really.  “Then take a PiL!”  Well, if you say so.

LCD Soundsystem sign a record for Tim

Day 2:

John Waters *# – Great, breathless stand-up by the great, weirdo director.

Camera Obscura – Really great, but admittedly, a little hard to
concentrate on while preventing heat stroke.

Camera Obscura

GIRLS – I wish I could’ve seen more than one and a half songs (which
were swell), but the heat made me retreat indoors.

Beach House – After narrowly avoiding charred skin, Beach House
provide a shelter with their nice dream-pop.

Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros – I don’t think Alex Ebert can
stop moving for the life of him.  Not that that’s a bad thing.

Tokyo Police Club – Someone in the audience was waving a Canadian
flag.  Then it was taken down after a few minutes and was replaced
with a dude in an Uncle Sam hat.  But the band played on despite this
cutting down of pride.

Gossip – “If you’re poor and you know it,” sings Beth Ditto, “clap
your hands!” CLAP CLAP CLAP.  Indeed, audience.  Indeed.

The Raveonettes * – Harmonic, shoegazy goodness.  Even from quite
aways, Sharin Foo’s hair is astounding.  Amazing set, simply put.

The xx – Wow, I’m so far, I can barely make out the TV screens.  Did I
even technically see this band?

Dirty Projectors – To me, once again, this proves their live stuff is
better than their recordings.

Hot Chip – Everyone around’s dancing like crazy!  Very infectious!

Faith No More – My legs needed much of a break, so all I can see is
Mike Patton in a red suit with Hot Chip drowning out the sound.  Wait,
what’s that?  Are they playing Michael Jackson’s Ben?!

Balloon tower!

Due to exhaustion, I went to the camp site to rest, therefore missing
Muse, Flying Lotus#, Les Claypool, Die Antwoord#, Major Lazer, MGMT,
Dead Weather and saddest of all, DEVO.

Day 3:

Local Natives – Missing King Khan & The Shrines by a minute, I caught
Local Natives…who were on their last song.

Owen Pallet – I may just be a sucker for looped violins, but this was
a really great set.

B.O.B. – Pretty good hip-hop show.  Then he busted out “Warhawk”, his
decorated acoustic guitar.  Then I didn’t know what was going on.

De La Soul – We weren’t going to move from the shade, so the best we
got was people in front of the TV screens.  I think I’m less involved
than I was at The xx.  Still, awesome looking set from here.

Sunny Day Real Estate# – Awesome set by the great proto-emo band.  Plus
a cloud came to block the sun!  Thank you, non-existent god.

Yo La Tengo * – I’ve been waiting to see these guys for so long, and
it was certainly nothing short of what I wanted to see.  They danced
as well, apparently at the request at Sly Stone!

Charlotte Gainsbourg * – Even if by default she’s amazing because
she’s Serge and Jane Birch’s daughter, her performance certainly
stands up on its own.  She even covered her father’s Melody Nelson!
Though I was hoping for Lemon Incest.  Regardless, an amazing set.

Jonsi

Jonsi#- A phenomenal, emotional live set from the sigur ros frontman left many non-icelandic people wondering how to pronounce his name.

Phoenix# – Really quite good, but tons of people around me!  And I have
to run to Pavement!

Pavement, plus a HUGE Stephen Malkmus.

Pavement# * – Pretty much the main reason I came to Coachella.  So
good, I wanted to slap someone.  This is exactly what I hoped for.  I
even sang along to Stereo, and I NEVER sing along to anything.

Thom Yorke (with Atoms For Peace) – Fantastic, of course.  Impossible
to get any close.  “Just Eraser tracks,” he said at the beginning,
but then BAM, Everything In It’s Right Place!  What a shock!
Seriously though, it was good.

The Big Pink#- I was really impressed with how hard these guys rock. It was worth taking a break from Thom Yorke to see the new 4ad signees look at home with the smoke machines and bright lights.

Gorillaz #* – Like a short film festival with an orchestra performing
the soundtrack live.  One could immediately see the HUGE budget.
Damon Albarn was right up front, too!  Hardly a virtual band at that
point.  But many great guests including De La Soul and Bobby Womack!
Kind of an abrupt ending with Cloud of Unknowing, but that’s probably
due to the fact that some guests like Mos Def were in trapped in
Europe because of the volcano.  Otherwise, amazing set and a great way
to end the festival.  But one more thing…

?# – I refuse to believe that the man onstage was Sly Stone.  I believe
they paid a homeless man to replace him once they discovered Sly died
at the hotel earlier.  Seriously, what the fuck was that?  Nothing
felt real.  Songs abruptly stopping halfway through, roadies panicking
onstage, “Sly” (looking more like a subpar George Clinton) not singing
while sitting in a swivel chair, faulty keyboards, general mumbling
and a random dude onstage taking photos.  Everyone (meaning a
considerably small crowd) had a look of concern on their faces.  And
this is after postponing the show earlier in the day and a good HOUR
of soundcheck.  Then he just disappears when he jumps offstage.  I
love Sly, but this was just ludicrous.  Either this was the worst
music performance ever or the best avant-garde performance ever.

So that concludes the epic journey that was Coachella.  Afterwards, we
decided to get the hell out of there right away (basically two and a
half hours after Gorillaz ended), leaving our friends Chloe, Trevor,
John, Lindsay and others in the dust.  Pip came along with us on the
way back, so what we thought was crowded before turned out to be a
vast plethora of space.  We turned onto the wrong route after we past
the Burbank area, so we made an unnecessary detour into Fresno.  And
believe me, it wasn’t all that worth it.

We got into San Francisco where my fantastic sister Anna offered us
her pad to rest and shower in.  Tim, Heather, Alex, Dave and Pip then
left me to die in San Fran while I had a massive panic attack and fell
into a coma.  Luckily some Spanish trainees came to the rescue, and my
sister reluctantly took care of me the rest of the time.  Then she
threw me into a cargo ship back to Vancouver once I woke up two days
later.

Okay, fine, that’s not true.  They were Mexican trannies.

But honestly, it was one hell of an amazing trip, even if there were
hellish times where I was BEYOND exhausted.  Thank you so much to Pip,
Heather, Dave, Alex, Tim and my sister Anna for providing great times
and memories I will always treasure (or possibly repress).

-Julian “Pure Bars Are Like Eating A Bucket Of Shit” Bowers

Relaxing times by the ferris wheel.

These photos were by Julian and Heather. There are more neat photos on this blog: http://yvanrodic.blogspot.com/2010/05/coachella-april-18th-2010.html including one of me, apparently! Thanks for the tip Alex! -Tim

UK music blog The Line Of Best Fit has showcased KFB bands The Shiny Diamonds and Plastic Chair Explosion on their latest compilation of Canadian indie rock “Oh Canada! Volume 9” alongside our friends Hawksley Workman and Gigi, and Vancouverites Apollo Ghosts and No Kids. Very exciting so tell all your friends to download it too!

Download it here!

[.zip] Oh! Canada Volume 9
After clicking on the above link, the download will begin automatically

1. Hawksley Workman – (The Happiest Day I Know Is A) Tokyo Bicycle (*)
2. Paper Beat Sissors – Flicker
3. My Lovely Son – New Chance
4. Gigi – The Old Graveyard (Feat. Karl Blau)
5. Coeur De Pirate – Comme Des Enfants (*)
6. Lee Harvey Osmond – Cuckoo’s Nest
7. Cam Penner – All Of Yesterday (*)
8. Chris Page – Two Twenty Twos
9. Milks & Rectangles – Don’t Fall Into The Wrong Hands
10. We Are Wolves – Paloma (*)
11. The Shiny Diamonds – Portrait Of The Artist [Formerly Known As Prince] As A Young Man
12. Ghostkeeper – By Morning
13. Plastic Chair Explosion – Shoplifter
14. David Myles – Gone For Long
15. Apollo Ghosts – Snow On Mount Benson
16. Young Doctors In Love – Eloise And Her Sister Marta
17. No Kids – The Jazz Singer (*)
18. La Patere Rose – La Marelle (*)
19. Shout Out Out Out Out – Guilt Trips Sink Ships (*)

From the original post:

“…a sneak peak from The Shiny Diamonds new record (which was produced by Xiu Xiu’s Jamie Stewart) with the wonderfully titled “Portrait Of The Artist (Formerly Known As Prince) As A Young Man” and an ode to love and shoplifting from Parksville, BC natives The Plastic Chair Explosion, part of Vancouver’s Kingfisher Bluez collective (which also includes The Shiny Diamonds).” -Ro Cemm

Thanks to Ro at TLOBF for all the love!

-Tim

Julian came over to my house and taped me playing a song from the new Shiny Diamonds album “A Histriony Of Violence”. The song is called “The Crawling Beetles and the Damage Done”.

In other news, our new webstore is just about ready, we have an cover artist confirmed for the new Shiny Diamonds single, as well as a special guest vocalist for a new song! We are also preparing the masters for the new 7″s by Eeek! and That Scoundrel Julian Bowers. Many more updates soon!!!

It’s ten in the morning and Spencer and myself are heading home after another long night tweaking the Eek! mixes. Everything sounds good and I think the mixes are all finished. Our tummies hurt a bit from eating a package of oreos and drinking a 1 litre energy drink but we are feeling quite chipper regardless. After being tired all night, it’s only when you are going to sleep of course that you get your second wind. Looking forward to releasing these songs, hopefully on vinyl, sometime later this year!

Take care,

-Tim

Hello All Music Lovers and Lovers of Musicians,

Tim and I are here at FaderMaster Studios finishing up the Eeek! album. It’s 5 am and we’re slowly going over our work and checking it twice. This project is shaping up to be an amazing product of 21st century musical genius. I, by the way, am Spencer D Carson the Kingfisher Bluez resident engineer/producer. This is my first post here, so I guess I should make it a good one! Tonight we’ve mixed 3 songs and added wicked percussion to one, that will blow your multi-rhythmic part of your brain away.  Well I better get back to help Tim with some gang vocal mixing! If you want to learn more about FaderMaster Studios here’s the link to the website: http://www.fadermaster.com

Peace

– Spencer

***Update***

9am and we’re off to go sleep. I officially hate guitars! Not really but one gave me “analysis paralysis” and Tim thought I died. So I’m going to sleep for a while and then off to go ice skating. Hopefully I can then listen to the songs and critique them after falling on my ass a billion times.

It is closing in on 9am now, Spencer and myself are wrapping up at the studio after mixing all night. We are both unbelievably tired but very proud of our work! The songs sound fantastic and we can’t wait to unleash them upon the world. I am on the studio computer so I can’t post a picture or anything but you wouldn’t want to see us now anyways. Going home for naps good evening/morning to you!

-Tim

Julian Bowers’ And Don’t The Kids Just Loathe It shines a spotlight on Eek! in the studio this week. Julian asks the boys of Eek! five questions. We’re done tracking now and I’m on my way to the studio to mix this sucker!

-Tim

In the immortal words of Charles Dickens, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of time…” This can also be said about our recording here at Reise’s home studio. A catastrophic blizzard has forced us to barracade the doors and feast on the remains of the once Nameless Intern, now referred to as “Dinner”. Although it has been a struggle to maintain enough energy to play our insturments we muster the courage to press on, in hopes of one day emerging from our icy prison to live again. We often think fondly of the victims of the Dyatlov Pass Incident, coping with a winter alien invasion would not be far off from our experience here. In the muted distance of a coal-warmed basement I can hear Brady softly strumming a guitar accompanied by the dedicative shouts of Tim barking his artistic vision like a starving composer grasping for his opus. If anyone is reading this please send a team of sled dogs and a dozen kerosene lamps, its going to be a long night.

-co(bra)lin

I’ve just got in from our first day in the studio with Eek! working on their new LP which is as-yet-untitled. I am producing it and Spencer is engineering, so you know we’re taking care of business and basically making every other producer/engineer team look super lame. Today we tracked three songs and did the vocals for one. Very productive, considering we were only there for a few hours. More updates coming, including a few of Julian’s famous studio-update videos! Stay tuned.

-Tim

P.S. We were all saddened to hear of J.D. Salinger’s passing yesterday. As with everyone else ever, I was profoundly moved by Catcher In The Rye when I first read it, and it has remained a constant companion ever since.